Bhaskar Dhakal, Author at Bhaskar Dhakal

आमा

December 2, 2015May 31, 2026 Bhaskar Dhakal

आज तेश्रो दिन भो ऊ बाउ बनेको | खुसीको त मानौं कुनै सिमाना नै छैन | छर-छिमेक, इस्ट-मित्र, आदि सबको बधाई पाउँदा त झन् उसको छाती ढक्क फुलेको छ | मन चंगा छ | कति ठाउँमा त उसले लड्डु बाँडी सक्यो पनि | तल्ला घरे काकाले ‘छोरो कि छोरी?’ भनेर सोध्दा, उसले चौडा मुस्कानमा साथ ‘छोरा’ भन्दा काकाले दुख्ने गरी धाप मारे दिवेशलाई | लड्डु पनि दुइटा मागेरै खाए | ‘छोरी भन्दा छोरा नै ठिक’ भनेर काकाले भन्दा दिवेशलाई काकाको सोचाई प्रति दया लाग्यो तर प्रतिउत्तर केहि दिएन | मुस्कायो मात्रै | आज उसलाई कसैसँग बहस गर्नु छैन | नत्र भनी दिन्थ्यो कि उसलाई पहिलो सन्तानको रूपमा छोरीको इच्छा थियो | त्यो त, उसकी पत्नीले छोरा पाउने रहर गरेपछी, ऊ पनि राजी भएको थियो |
दिवेश सम्झन्छ उसकी पत्नीसंगको कुरा |
‘पहिलो सन्तान छोरा कि छोरी?’ मैनाले लजाएर सोधेकी थिई |
‘पहिलो सन्तान त छोरी नै हुन पर्छ,’ उसले भनेको थियो |
‘नाइँ, छोरा नै हुन पर्छ | हाम्रो एक छोरा एक छोरीको सपना छ | पहिले छोरा नै भए ढुक्क हुन्छ | चाडै हुर्कन्छ, जिम्मेवार नि चाडै बन्छ |’ मैना भन्दै गई|
‘अनि पछी उसकी बहिनी आउँछे | अहिले काल-बेला यस्तो छ, दाजुको माया, आड अनि सुरक्षा पाउँछे छोरीले पनि | म घरकी जेठी छोरी भएर मलाई अहिले सम्म नि मेरो दाजु भए हुने जस्तो लाग्छ |’ केही गम्भीर हुँदै उसले तर्क गर्छे |
‘अर्काको दाजुले बहिनीलाई गरेको मायाँ देखेर नि मन कटक्क हुन्छ | नाइँ बा, म त मेरो छोरीलाई त्यस्तो हुन दिन्न |’ उसको मन अमिलो हुन्छ |
‘तिम्रो भाई छ, त्यो देखेर नि त अरुले तिम्रो इर्स्या गर्दा हुन् नि त्यो त’, दिवेश ले मुस्काएर भनेको थियो |
‘नगरेर भो त? त्यत्ति प्यारो भाई छ मेरो | आफ्नै छोरोझैं लाग्छ मलाई ऊ | ठूलो भैसक्यो, त्यै पनि काखैमा लिएर म्वाई खाइ रहुँ जस्तो छ |’ ऊ भावनामा डुब्दै थिई | ‘काले मोरो! अहिले छि:छि गर्छ, पहिला मैले माया नगरी हुन्नथ्यो | छोरीको जात नि कस्तो, त्यस्तो प्यारो भाईलाई छोडेर पराईको घर आउन पर्ने |’ उसको हँसिलो मुहारमा साँझ पर्दै गयो |
‘म पनि त तिमीलाई कत्ति माया… ‘ ऊ आफ्नी प्यारीलाई फकाउन खोज्दै थियो, मैनाले बिचैमा काटी | ‘मलाई त्यहि भएर छोरी होइन छोरा चाहिन्छ पहिले | छोरी पहिला जन्मी भने बिहे पनि चाँडै हुन्छ उसको | घर शून्य हुन्छ | छोरा पहिला भयो भने छोराको बिहे हुन्छ, परिवार बढ्छ अनि त्यसपछी छोरीको बिहे गर्न पो स्वाद | बुहारीलाई हेरेर भए नि चित्त बुझाउन त हुन्छ |’
मैनाको कुरा नि उसलाई सहि लाग्यो | आफुलाई छोरी चाहिए पनि, उसकी प्रियसीको छोरो पाउने रहरमा कुनै लैंगिक भेदभाव थिएन | ऊ त छोरीकै हितमा बोल्दै थिई | छोरीसँग लामो समय बिताउने कुरा गर्दै थिई | यो कुरा दिवेशलाई पनि मन परेको थियो |
‘तर तिमीलाई लाग्दैन छोरी पहिले जन्मी भने ऊ आत्मनिर्भर हुन सिक्छे, आफैँ लड्न र आफ्नो सुरक्षा गर्न सिक्छे | ऊ कसैमा भर नपर्ने हुन्छे, होइन?’ दिवेश ले जानी-जानी मैनाको कुरामा अहिले नै हो मा हो मिलाउन खोजेन |
‘त्यो त ऊ जसरि नि हुन्छे | हो दाजुको आड पाउछे तर ऊ कमजोर हुन्छे भनेको होइन |’ मैना हाँसी | ‘दाजु भए दाजुसँग लाडिन्छे, जिस्किन्छे, अझ बढी माया पाउँछे पो भनेको त |’
‘त्यो त हो, मलाई नि लाग्छ मेरी बहिनी भएकी भए म कत्ति माया गर्थें होला उसलाई भनेर |’ अब दिवेश घोरियो |
‘ल त्यसो भए पहिला छोरा अनि छोरी है त?’ मैनाको मुहारमा फेरी घाम उदायो |
‘हुन्छ हाम्रो इच्छा त्यहि भो | अब भगवानको मर्जी |’ दिवेश नि मख्ख पर्दै मैनालाई अँगालोमा बेर्यो | मैना लाजले भुतुक्क हुँदै मनमनै इश्वरलाई ढोग्दी भई |
साह्रै प्रसन्न मुद्रामा दिवेश घर पुग्यो | मैना छोरोलाई स्तनपान गराउंदै थिई, एकोहोरो त्यो बालकको मुहार हेर्दै | त्यो बालकले उसको छाती चुस्दा, त्यो दुखाई अब दुखाई होइन, उसलाई त्यो प्रिय भएको थियो अनि आनन्दमा परिणत भएको थियो| छोराका कोमल अंगहरु मैनालाई फूलका पत्र भन्दा नि नरम अनि सुन्दर लाग्न थाले | काखमा टुपुक्क भएको त्यो शरीर उसलाई शरीर नभई आफ्नै मुटु सम्झन्थी | त्यो बालकले लामो श्वास लिँदा, शान्तसँग छाती उठ्दा र बस्दा मैनालाई यति आनन्द आउँथ्यो कि उसले त्यो स्वर्गीय सागरमा कति डुबुल्की मारी उसैलाई हेक्का छैन | ठीक त्यसै बखत दिवेश घर पुग्यो | अनि त्यो सबै ऊ नियाली रह्यो | आज उसका हरेक सपना पूरा भएका छन्, ठीक उसकै अगाडि | ऊ पनि मग्न भएर त्यो आनन्दको सागरमा डुबी रह्यो |
‘के हेरेको त्यसरी?’, मैनाले लाजको पोको बिस्तारै फुकाउँदै सोधी | त्यस बखत उसले किन सरमको ओढ्ने ओढी, उसैलाई थाहा भएन |
‘थाहा छ मैना, जब मैले तिमीलाई पहिलो चोटि देखेँ तब तिमी जस्तो सुन्दर कोहि लागेन | तिमीमा बालापन थियो, हँसिली थियौ, चुलबुले थियौ | तिमीसंग प्रित बस्नु कुनै आश्चर्यको कुरा थिएन | बिस्तारै तिमी फक्रदै गयौ, अझ सुन्दर हुँदै |’ दिवेश गम्भीर हुँदै गयो | ‘समयको चक्र घुम्दै जाँदा तिमी परिपक्क भएको हेरें, तिमी चन्चले केटीबाट एउटा जिम्मेवार युवती भएको पनि मैले देखेँ | तिमी जति बद्लिन्थ्यौ उति सुन्दर हुन्थ्यौ |’
दिवेशले यसो भनि रहंदा मैनाको मुटु ढुकढुक गर्दैथ्यो | आज ऊ किन यो सब भन्दैछ ऊ अनभिज्ञ छे | तर ऊ दिवेश लाई रोक्न नि चाहन्न किनभने उसका वाणी आकाशबाट पुष्पवर्षा भएझैं रोमान्चित गराउने खालको छ | उसलाई सुनी रहुँ लागेको छ | दिवेश आज उसलाई बिशेष आकर्षक लागेको पनि छ किनभने दिवेशको आँखाको गहिराईमा उसले अविरल माया नै माया देखेकी छ | केवल उसको लागी |
‘हाम्रो बिहेको दिन जब मैले तिमीलाई दुलही भएर मेरो नजिक आउँदै गर्दा नियाँले, लाग्यो यो संसारमा तिमी जति राम्री न कोहि थियो न कोहि हुनेछ | त्यसपछीका दिनमा मैले तिमीलाई हरेक दिन अनेक रूप, रंग अनि अवतारमा देखेँ | हरेक चोटी तिमीले मलाई चोर्यौ | कयौं चोटि म तिमीमा लीन भएँ र तिमीमा हराएँ | तर तिम्रो सुन्दरता कहिले नि हराएन |’ दिवेश ले यति भन्दा मैनाको गह भरिएर आयो | आज उसका खुसीका लहर उर्लिएर आएको छ, कुनै बाँधले छेक्न नसक्ने गरी | मनको कुना देखि खुसी सोहोरिएर मैनाको दुई आँखामा आएर ढिल्पिल-ढिल्पिल गर्न लागे |
‘तर मैना..’, दिवेश बोल्दै गयो | ‘त्यो सबै खुसीका पलहरु केहि होइन रहेछन् | संसारको सबै भन्दा खुसीको क्षण ती कुनै होइन रहेछन् |’ मैना थोरै झस्की |
‘प्रिय मैना, संसारको सबै भन्दा खुसीको क्षण र सबै भन्दा राम्रो दृश्य – ‘आमा”, यति भनेर दिवेश मुस्कुरायो |
खुसीले हरेक बाँध तोड्यो | मैनाको आँखाबाट खुसी बडा-बडा ढिका बनेर उर्लिदै बग्न थाले |

Pic courtesy: www.stjosephschoolaquem.net

समयको बन्धन भन्दा पर

November 6, 2015May 31, 2026 Bhaskar Dhakal

म,
अहिले पनि कहिले-काँही
जान्छु मन्दिर परिसरमा
आफ्नो अतितमा रुमल्लिन |
जहाँ ऊ र म,
पहिले चढाउंथ्यौं
हाम्रो मायाको पवित्र फूल
देवताको चरणमा |
ऊ घण्ट बजाउंथी,
उसको नाम गुन्जायमान हुन्थ्यो |
दुई हत्केला जोडेर
शिर निहुराई
आँखा बन्द गरेर जब ऊ,
मनमनै,
ईश्वरसंग मेरो लागी खुसी माग्थी,
म पनि मेरो चोखो मनले
उसको सुखको कामना गर्थें |

अहिले पनि,
जब वर्तमान अतितको कल्पनामा
डगमगाउन थाल्छ,
म जान्छु मन्दिर प्राङ्गणमा
सम्झनाका पुष्पहरु
एक-एक गर्दै फुकाउँदै
भगवानको चरणमा अर्पण गर्छु |
कसैले घण्ट बजाइदिन्छ,
उसको नाम गुन्जिन्छ
चारै तिर… सबै तिर…

ठीक त्यो बखत,
भूत, वर्तमान र भविष्य
एउटै सागर बन्छ |
म पौडी रहन्छु,
निरन्तर,
समयको बन्धन भन्दा पर ||

pic source: neverletyoustealmyafterlife.tumblr.com

Annapurna Base Camp: A trek to cognizance

October 31, 2015May 31, 2026 Bhaskar Dhakal

Last year, I vented my anger on facebook on how Dashain has been a total nuisance rather than an amusing festival. I reasoned how the time of Dashain could be more fruitful/fun if one opted to NOT celebrate the ‘monotonous’ Dashain and decide to visit our own beautiful Nepal in that period instead. This year, I decided to tail what I presented last year. I packed my bags and went for the Glory. Luckily, my parents did not coerce me to stay at home despite having just three members in the family. My exclusion in Dashain meant that Dad and mom had to sojourn at home in festive period without me. As a son, if I pictured the scenario from my parents’ stance I would definitely rate this Dashain as one of the bitterest Dashains. Dashain usually means family members being together, sharing-laughs, stories and precious moments. For my parents, it was complete contrast as their eldest son and his family were close only on skype and the other son was on his way to the mountains. He was definitely close yet so far. Thus, before leaving, I could picture how miserable my parents’ Dashain was going to be.

Despite all those, I managed to place my feet outside the emotional zone. Four people including myself set out our journey to Annapurna Base Camp. Day 1 was from Kathmandu to Pokhara. We caught the bus from Kalanki (at 2:30 PM) and reached Pokhara around 9 PM. Day 2 started early (2 AM) from Pokhara. We caught the night bus to Nayapul. And started our genuine trek from there. It was Saturday morning and we walked 9-12 hours per day to reach ABC within Tuesday. Nayapul – Birethanti-Ulleri-Ghorepani in Day 2. Ghorepani-Poonhill-Ghorepani-Tadapani-Gurjhung-Chhomrong in Day 3. Chhomrong-Sinuwa-Bamboo-Dovan-Himalaya-Deurali in Day 4. Deurali-MBC-ABC- back to MBC- Deurali- Himalaya- Dovan- Bamboo in Day 5. Bamboo-Sinuwa-Chhomrong-Jhinu-New Bridge- Siwai in Day 6. Siwai – Syauli Bazar – Birethanti – Naya Pul – Pokhara- Kathmandu in Day 7.

Reaching Annapurna Base Camp was not a walk in the park especially when you are among those who do not exercise in your daily life. Stairs from the bottom of the hill to the top was not a motivation either. Trek from Birethanti to Ulleri to Ghorepani was particularly challenging and eye opener about what our journey ahead consisted of. Stairs, Stairs, Stairs, more stairs and even more stairs. I have to say that the second day was hardly any fun. It was glum as I only loved walking in plain areas and downhill. But the uphill climbing via the stairs was what I despised most. And second day till we reached Ghorepani, it was all uphill climbing leaving some areas where it was fairly easy walk.

On the way to Ghorepani, we had glimpses of Machchhapuchhre Mountain. That majestic view and the delightful meal at Ulleri spurred our walk. It was from the third day that I started linking the trek with life. Everything in life and in trekking seemed to have carried the same message. Each step I took, I figured out more about life. It was like a meditation. The more my feelings went deep, the more I got ‘enlightened’. By enlightenment, I meant I became more aware to the things around me. The ‘good /wise’ person in me took over and I started visualizing life from a broader term. Trekking was getting the best out of me.

When I was at the foot of the hill, I saw the never ending uphill stairs welcoming me. My first and second days’ approach was all wrong. I always looked at the top and got demotivated (imagining the difficult climb ahead). Consequently, my body used to give up and no matter how long or short (easy or hard) path came my way, I got fatigued frequently and needed more rest or breaks. But that changed from the third day as I altered my approach. After that, I did not see the goal at the top of the mountain. I set small goals first. My goal was to climb the next stair I encounter. The destination was far away but my goals were always near. I did not have to hustle or be worried about my goal. All I did was welcome the next stair and complete my challenge. Aren’t the life goals be achieved that way? One step at a time? That way, I was always steady and I did not fear my goal. I kept on moving towards my destination with ease as my next goal needed exactly the same amount of effort that I put in achieving the previous one (which was not much). I have ambitions with life. Gigantic ones and they have often made me unnerved. I have always feared my goals with life. But now I know how I have to move towards them. I should stop lurching towards them. My steps should be placid and well weighed.

My own (new) approach to the destination/goals was a great motivation. But the motivation was at rife while trekking. Children below 10, elders above 65 were seen scaling their way to ABC. Not only that, porters with big loads were climbing uphill. Locals or not, habit or not, it’s never easy to carry heavy load and climb the hill. You see them and question yourself about the excuse you are making of being tired. The cool zephyr, clear weather, blue rivers with a magical sound directly from Himalayas, the beautiful scenes, exquisite smile of the snow-covered mountains, songs of birds and animals, the ‘homelike’ jungles and so many other things were inarguably the best of the motivations. But what trekking did to me was it helped me notice the simplest of things that went unnoticed in my daily life before.

The other thing that the trek taught me is to spread love even to the ones that you do not know. Thousands of tourists from all around the world trekked at the same time. Around 90% tourists greeted us with a smile and a ‘Namaste’. No matter how tired they were, no matter what, they always had something to say to us. If not, they offered a smile. While walking if they heard your shriek of pain, they would stop and ask if you were alright. People from different countries with different languages speaking one common language ‘love’, how beautiful is that? What difference did it make then? It made a huge difference. For the split seconds, you forget how bushed you are. ‘You smile at the world and the world will smile with you.’ Now imagine meeting one tourist every 3 seconds. In one minute, I smiled for 20 seconds. Meaning, the travelling was more pleasing. It’s not just about tourists. The locals treated us the same. They were ecstatic to see the local tourists and treated us very well everywhere. Considerable discounts were provided on the hotels and lodges. They conversed with us about our hometowns, our jobs, and studies and even shared a view about politics. Moreover, we shared love. Isn’t our lives lacking love? Are we loving enough? Haven’t we become too self-centered to even wave at our neighbour or smile at them? Aren’t we lacking the essence of life? How can we reap happiness when we sow revulsion in our heart? “Let us make one point, that we meet each other with a smile, when it is difficult to smile.” – Mother Teresa.

As I was edging close to the ABC, I went through the tremendous emotional turbulence. I was euphoric as well as hollow within. Some astounding feelings overwhelmed my heart and mind. I could hardly prognosticate the situation I was going through. I was dumbfounded. As I reached ABC, I figured out what was wrong with me. I wanted to stay there forever and at the same time, I wanted to come back home to my loved ones. I remembered my family: parents and siblings, I missed my beloved one and my buddies. I evoked all the sweets moments with them. Their laughs, smile and their certain reaction to magnificence. I recalled how they would react after they saw what was just inches in front of me (the Annapurna). How I wished they were there with me. I have been recluse most of my life. I love solitary. I avoid crowds. Even at my own home, I am always found inside my room alone. Thus, I was astonished (despite my nature) to fathom that I wanted to be with my loved ones to share my exhilaration. Mayhap, I comprehended the true meaning of happiness then. I thought of the quote from the book ‘Into the Wild’ by Christopher McCandless and smiled big. “Happiness only real when shared.” My travelling companions with me in the ABC discerned my smile. Little did they know the genuine reason behind it.

उपहार

October 24, 2015May 31, 2026 Bhaskar Dhakal

अन्नपूर्णको लामो यात्रा अघि,
उसलाई मैले सोधेको थिएँ,
उपहार के चाहिन्छ भनि?
हप्तौं लामो यात्रा सम्झी,
केहि अमिलो मन पारी,
मनको भारी बिसाउँदै,
दबिएको आवाजमा,
रुन्चे हाँसो हाँस्दै
उसले भनेकी थिई,
‘न्यानो माया अनि…..’
‘अनि एक मुठ्ठी हिउँ |’

अन्नपुर्णको फेदमा पुगी,
न्यानो मायाको साथ
जब एक मुठ्ठी हिउँ उठाएँ
तब मेरो मायाको न्यानोपनले
हिउँ पग्ली गयो |
हिउँ संगै पग्ले
सारा अभिलाषाहरु
मेरा अनि उसका |

पग्लिएको हिउँलाई मैले
बाफ बनि उड्न दिएँ |
जब म न्यानो माया लिई
फर्कन्छु,
तब उसले मसँग
आफ्नो उपहार माग्ने छे |
र म दिनेछु उसलाई उसको कोसेली
उसको हिउँ,
जो आकाशमा बादल बनी
बगिरहेको हुनेछ
अविरल |
ऊ जब-जब आकाशमा सेता हिउँ
हेर्नेछे,
र न्यानो प्रेमको अनुभूति गर्नेछे,
सायद तब-तब,
ती हिउँ पग्लेर उसका आँखाबाट
झर्नेछन् |

बेमौसमी याद

October 14, 2015May 31, 2026 Bhaskar Dhakal

यो बेमौसमी वर्षाका
बाछिटाहरु
ओत लागी बसेको मलाई,
जानी-जानी जिस्काउन
आउँछन् |
लाग्छ,
यी पानीका थोपा होइनन्,
यी त उसका यादहरु हुन्,
पग्लिएर बर्सिंदै छन् सायद |

यी भिजेका प्यासी गल्लीहरु,
पत्र-पत्र फैलाएर
तनलाई नग्न बनाई
किन्चित बनेका फूलहरु,
कुना-कुना बाट सोहोरिएका
हाम्रो प्रेमको डुंगा बगाउने कुलोहरु,
कहाँ पाउन्न म उसलाई?
एक झर उसको याद,
जता-ततै फैलिएको छ |

कतै,
एक टुक्रा याद.
पग्लिएर तमाम तरुण युवतीहरुलाई
भिजाएको छ |
काँप्दै गरेका तिनका ओठ,
तिम्रोझैँ लाग्छ
र
चिसोले थरथराएका तिम्रा
ती ओठको ‘गर्मी’मा
मैले मेरो ओठ सेकाएको
सम्झना,
पानीको भेलसंगै सलल बग्छ |

प्रत्येक सम्झना,
प्रत्येक याद,
प्रत्येक बाछिटाले
यसरी पोल्छ कि मलाई,
मानौं,
यो बेमौसमी झरी
सायद,
मेरा सहस्र अश्रु त होइनन्?
नत्र,
बर्सिँदो झरीसंगै
यो मनको जलन,
यो राफ, यो ताप,
यो आफैंलाई डढाउने
ज्वालामुखी कस्तो?

-भाष्कर ढकाल
२०७२/०६/२७, अपरान्ह ४:१०

Let’s fall in love again

September 22, 2015May 31, 2026 Bhaskar Dhakal

Tell me softly,
the words that my heart craves to hear
from your magical lips;
which makes your words
a soothing lyrics
and,
your talk,
a mellifluous song.

Sing me a song, honey.
Make me an insane lover
in this ‘sane world’
where people calculate their steps
even while falling in love.
No sugar,
make me freefall deep in your love.
So deep that I find the root of your love
and bury it inside my heart.
We will perch in our utopia
and enjoy the sweet fruit together
when our love thrives.

Come away with me,
to the mountains of Nepal
where I’ll play the traditional drum
and make you dance in
‘नाचिदेउ मैच्यांग तिमी डम्फुको तालैमा’ (dance lady, in the rhythm of drum)
Let’s get wasted drinking the local alcohol
and make love while the Mount Everest guards for us.
Come away with me
to the islands of Hawaii,
where I’ll play the ukulele
and sing you your favourite song,
‘all of me loves all of you’
and give the whole new meaning
to the romantic sunset of Hawaii,
with our oozing passionate love.

Lie with me on the ground
and watch the starry sky.
Kiss me gently; rock my world
in the placid night.
Caress my body with your warm breathe
and
play with my hair.
Let the hearts race
with the friction of two bodies.
Untouch the tranqulity of the night,
feel the torrent of love in you,
and right then,
I shall ask you, ‘What is life, my dear?’
Tell me softly,
the words that my heart craves to hear
from your magical lips.
‘Life is Felicity.’

My (re)take on Sameer and Nandini, the characters of Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam

August 22, 2015May 31, 2026 Bhaskar Dhakal

Hum dil de chuke sanam. I must have watched this movie at least 2 dozen times. And I have always adored the ending. I always wanted Nandidi to end up with Vanraj as he went to great lengths to unite his wife to her lover. His love is pure, sacrificial and out of this world. The pain that Vanraj feels and what he chooses to do, for his wife selflessly, wrenches the heart of the viewers too. Maybe that is where Vanraj pulls the viewers to his side from Sameer. And this is why when I choose to watch the movie from certain point, I always skip the part where Nandini and Sameer fall in love and watch it from the part where Vanraj is introduced. Because the scene, story and character are well shaped into the theme of the movie by then. Movie gets intense and I am a big fan of intense stories with depth. If watching from the middle counts, I have already watched the movie at least 50 times. Thanks to Vanraj and his pure love.

But today, as I assess Sameer and Nandini, what wrong does Sameer do? Sameer; who loves Nandini whole-heartedly waits for her no matter what. When her father asks him to leave as his ‘GuruDakshina’, ne never complains. He respects her father throughout and leaves Nandini’s home without creating a fuss. He continues to write for her even from Italy and always dreams of reuniting with her. Who wouldn’t dream of their beloved and wouldn’t want to get reunited? I certainly would. When you know ‘she is the one’, you will not think twice to do things for her. Sameer does the same thing. You cannot say his love is not worthy to be with Nandini, you just cannot say that. His love is pure, sweet and committed too. Committed because most of the long distance relationships fail and most prefer not to cling onto it. He hangs in there. He never stops dreaming of her and actually loves her like anything.

But why do we viewers forget about Sameer? Why does Vanraj steal the show? Is sacrifice greater than anything? Why do we rate our parent’s love more? Most of us will answer ‘because of the sacrifice or the selflessness’. Are we preoccupied with this ‘sacrifice’ thing or sacrifice just tops the lot? It’s hard to tell but willingly/unwillignly, I think almost each of us support the verdict for Vanraj. Sameer does little wrong but what Vanraj does is beyond imagination and is right in every sense when it comes to her happiness. And perhaps this is why Nandini explains her decision (of choosing Vanraj) to Sameer by saying, ‘pyar karna tumne mujhe sikhaya Sameer lekin pyar nibhana, maine Vanraj se sikha hai (You taught me to love, Sameer. But from Vanraj I learnt how it’s done actually; to keep loving inspite of all the difficulties and to love selflessly.)’ Maybe this is why our eyes get less watery (with pain) when Nandini explains her decision to Sameer and more watery (with joy) when Nandidni chooses to be with Vanraj at last.

But today, I feel for Sameer too. Most of us relate ourselves with the movie characters and laugh/cry with them. I always entered into Vanraj’s character and embraced his feelings and pain as mine. But if I watch HDDCS again, I will enter inside Sameer’s character too. I will cry with him when the rest of the viewers feel the utmost pleasure with Vanraj at the end. That poor man deserves someone by his side. I will be his friend. For nothing can be sadder than what Sameer told to Nandini at the end, ‘You married Vanraj means you will be his for seven lives. But in the 8th life, you will be mine. Only mine. No Vanraj then.’

Leaving behind my favourite song from the movie:
Click here

Would you hug ‘yourself’?

August 22, 2015May 31, 2026 Bhaskar Dhakal

If you could hug yourself,
would you do it?
For the pain you feel within,
is understood no better by others
than you.
Have you ever cried tears of blood
and felt that the heart is full of tears,
instead?
And you are still living,
questioning yourself,’is this existence or survival’?
Whatever it is, you don’t care.
You see no difference.
You don’t actually see at all.
You are blank.
Everything is black.
That black, which has every colour in it.
Will you be able to find a rainbow in it?
Will you be able to find a ‘lost you’?
Will you recognize your own avatar?
Will you even try?
When you find ‘yourself’, what will you do?
Will you hug ‘yourself’?

निस्पट्टता

August 9, 2015May 31, 2026 Bhaskar Dhakal

२०६९-०३-०५
(मेरो डायरीबाट)

निस्पट्टता: मानिसहरु यो शब्दलाई कति नकारात्मक रुपमा लिन्छन् | आफुले भोगे पनि नभोगे पनि, यो शब्द उनीहरुको लागी भयानक छ | निस्पट्टता माने अन्धकार, जहाँ कुनै प्रकाश छैन | र भय त्यसै बखत उत्पन्न हुन्छ जब मानिस केहि देख्दैन | केहि कुरा देखे पछी मात्र ऊ ढुक्क हुन्छ नत्र विवेकसून्य भएर ऊ त्रसित हुने क्रम जारी रहन्छ | सधैं हिड्ने बाटो पनि अन्धकारमय हुँदा ढुक्क संग हिंड्न सकिंदैन | बिस्तारै बडो होसियार भइ कदम चाल्नु पर्ने हुन्छ | एक किसिमको त्रास मनमा रही रहन्छ | कतै ठेस लाग्ने पो हो कि?

तर मलाई निस्पट्टतासंग अगाध प्रेम छ | कतिपय कुराहरु म अँध्यारोमै पाउँछु | निस्पट्टतामा कता-कता म रम्दछु | भानिन्छ सबै रंगहरुको मिश्रण पछी नै कालो रंगको सृजना हुन्छ | त्यसैले होला म पनि अन्धकारमा थुप्रै कुराहरु डुबुल्की मार्दै गरेको पाउँछु | निस्पट्टताले मलाई आकर्षित गर्छ | टोलाएर जब म अन्धकारमा भावसून्य हुन्छु, तब मलाई अनन्त पुकार सुनाइदिन्छन् | आफ्नो अंगालोमा मलाई गुटुमुटु पार्न हरदम तयार यो अन्धकार, मलाई कत्ति पनि भयानक लाग्दैन | थुनिएको, बन्धक बनाईएको मान्छेहरुलाई अन्धकार देखि घृणा हुन सक्ला | तर म त खुला पन्छी जस्तै हुँ | मलाई मन लागेको रोज्न अधिकार छ र निस्पट्टता रोज्न म कत्ति पनि हिचकिचाउदिन | कालो निशामामै ताराहरु मिलिक-मिलिक गर्छन्, चन्द्रमा स्वादसँग हाँस्छिन् | यदि अन्धकार भयानक हुने भए, यी ताराहरु अनि चन्द्रमा रमाउदै नाँच्ने अनि धपक्क बल्ने काम गर्थे होलान् र? अरुलाई अत्याश लाग्ने रजनी किन यिनीहरुलाई प्यारो छ? ती ताराहरु हेर्दा लाग्छ, मानौं कसैले गगनमा झिलिमिली गर्ने अन्नको बिस्कुन सुकाएको छ | ती ताराहरुलाई हेरी-रहंदा, एक प्रकारको शान्ति महसुस हुन्छ रातको निस्पट्टतामा |

डर हाम्रो मानिसकतामा गाढिएको छ | निस्पट्टता आफैंमा नकारात्मक होइन | यो त कसले कसरी परिभाषित गर्छ भन्ने मात्र न हो | निस्पट्टताको परिभाषा मेरो शब्दकोशमा बेग्लै छ | सायद म अपवाद परें कि?