THE DREAMER


I was nearly there at the pinnacle of the world. 8,848 meters seemed some inches away. It was quite an achievement. I could finally smile with the snow eaten lips. No they didn’t hurt but gave me the impression of a true achiever. As I reached the apex of the globe, the first word I yelled was ‘EVEREST.’ Yes, Mt. Everest. I did it when the rest of the world doubted in me. Hell yeah, I was on cloud nine and it felt exceptional. I closed my eyes in unimpeachable satisfaction. All I heard was my best song (you raise me up) playing in the background. ‘You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains’, was what one of the lines said which was very exact there. That was quite a moment. I opened my eyes.

‘Gosh!’ I screamed. I was in bed and that very song was set by me as an alarm in my iPod. Aw! My dreams shattered in pieces in just a jiffy. I sneered at myself.

‘5:00 AM, time to jog my friend’, I suggested my inner me. Within fifteen minutes I was all ready to dance down the muddy lanes of Kathmandu. Dressed in a black track suit, I observed myself at the mirror. ‘You look good, sir.’ Ignoring the pimples at my cheek, I rated myself. In the meanwhile, the reflection on the mirror was smiling. (Well, positivity does the trick so easily, doesn’t it?)

Jabbing the earphone in my both ears connected to the iPod at the other end, I lurched towards the park. My pair of Nike shoes produced a hop-hop sound every time I landed on them. In no time, my lungs started to swell and I felt like the world was going to culminate. I remembered my dream where I scaled the highest cliff of the earth. I laughed. ‘Mount Everest, huh?’ I asked to myself. With this stamina, I would climb the Everest when pigs could fly.

I must have covered halfway to the park when the 30 minutes long Tibetan music came to an end in my iPod. Next Tibetan music started when I crossed the holy temple of Lord Shiva at my left. The rain overnight had made the paths muddy and I could also see a number of small water pools in between the concrete roads of Kathmandu. ‘Wow! Development’, I threw a sarcastic smile and continued to jog as the crows fly. The music in my iPod was still at its best where the Tibetan people were hymning ‘Om Mane Padme Hum’ in a mellifluous tone. It sure was soothing.

‘Pathetic’, I squeezed my nose when I reached the bridge of holy river Bagmati which flowed at the heart of Kathmandu. And possibly each passer had the same reaction unless he was hit by the common cold. In a great velocity, I left behind the river where green water flowed. Was that even water? Was that even a river? I pondered. I would have called it ‘drainage’.

Despite the negatives, Kathmandu is not an ugly city at all. The city has rich history of nearly 2000 years and enjoys a cosmopolitan culture as Hindus, Buddhists, Muslims and other religious believers also live here. The city stands at an elevation of approximately 1,400 meters (4,600 ft) in the bowl-shaped valley in central Nepal surrounded by four major mountains, namely: Shivapuri, Phulchowki, Nagarjun and Chandragiri. Nepali is the common language of the city, though many speak the Nepal Bhasa Newari as it is the center of the Newar (meaning: citizens of Nepal) people and culture. English and Hindi are understood by all of the educated population of the city. Besides, a significant number of the population speaks any of the foreign languages like: French, German, Chinese, Hebrew, Korean and so on. The literacy rate is 98% in the city which is pretty impressive compared to the 53.7% of the whole country. The other integral part of the Kathmandu is its cultural heritage. UNESCO has recognized all the monuments of Kathmandu valley as “Kathmandu valley- UNESCO World heritage Site” making it one of the hottest tourist destinations of the world. Furthermore, the history of Kathmandu dates back to the ancient times. Archaeological explorations indicate that Kathmandu is one of the oldest towns and is traced to the period between 167 BC and 1 AD.

‘Only the unplanned urbanization ruined my city’, I assumed as I jogged closer to the Park I was heading for. By then, other two older joggers were following me to the same destination but they were on the merry conversation of mocking the politicians of Nepal. Well to be honest, our politicians deserved a nice kick at their butts.

‘Only these selfish, egocentric politicians robbed the charm of this Nation, this city’, one of them said. I silently backed his line.

Kathmandu is the lovely city named after a structure in Durbar Square called Kasthamandap. In Sanskrit, Kastha (काष्ठ) is “wood” and Mandap (मंडप/मण्डप) is “covered shelter.” This unique temple, also known as Maru Sthal, was built in 1596 by King Laxmi Narsingh Malla. The entire structure contains no iron nails or supports and is made entirely from wood. Legend has it that the timber used for this two-story pagoda was obtained from a single tree. Kathmandu is sometimes also called ‘Kantipur’ “कान्तिपुर“. “Kanti” is an alternate name of the Goddess Lakshmi, and “pur” means the place where such a goddess resides. Thus, the name Kantipur demonstrates the ancient belief that it is the place where Lakshmi dwells. No wonder why people were angered when the city with that sort of history and charm was under the weather. “This place could have been heaven, had the politicians introduced some wonderful plans’’, another man behind me made no bones about saying that.

It took me two Tibetan songs each of 30 minutes each to reach the park. As usual the park was packed with youths to olds. Youths believed in physical exercise like pushups, pull ups, stretching and so on while olds were more to meditation and yoga stuffs. Every morning a particular group of olds forced a laughter which they called ‘laughter therapy’. Even though without the certain reason, they forced themselves to laugh by throwing their hands upward each time following the loud laughter they made. Sometimes the laughter seemed so unnatural and irritating that I imagined them as a herd of goats bleating together. Having said that, I couldn’t deny that the laughter surely did the trick in their ageing life.

As habitual I headed towards the corner of the park to relish some serenity with the nature. To my amazement, there was already somebody else doing the yoga stuff unlike other days.

‘Beautiful’, I whispered and kept gaping at her.

What did I see was a striking girl of early 20s who was lost in her world of yoga. Her eyes were closed and who would have missed this golden chance to stare an angelic charm from head to the toe? I kept gawking. 

Her stretching, her slow breathes, her lovely pony tailed hair, perfect figure and a charismatic face had already lured me. Her grey colored T-shirt embraced her tightly from neck to the waist. What a lucky shirt, I said to myself. And the black trousers ran down to the knees. She bowed down unaware of the fact that I was staring her. I could notice the butterfly (tattoo) right at the back of the neck under the pony tail. I didn’t know when I started smiling.

“Excuse me”, she caught me smiling after she opened her eyes like a bolt from the blue. ‘May I help you?’ she asked.

I smiled more. Well, she didn’t know that she already had helped me to grin and enjoy this morning.

‘This is my place’ I told hurriedly. (My place? I cursed myself for saying that. Seriously, my place? What was I thinking?)

‘I thought this park was public’, she shot back.

Well I was amazed by the response. I realized that I should really roll out the red carpet to impress her. It did not seem an easy task to be the cat’s whisker in her eyes.

‘I mean I usually sit here. And nobody seats here except me. I am almost alone in this part. No one really seats at this corner. So I was amazed to see you here.’ I corrected myself and tried hard to act decent.

She smiled. Now that was a real dilemma. (A girl’s smile is always confusing. It’s really hard to derive something from the smile of an unknown girl.)

‘Then, you can be here’, she said softly. ‘I haven’t occupied the whole realm.’

What?? An invitation to join her? Seriously. Her? I was dazzled. A beautiful girl in the public park invites you to join her. Who wants to say no?

I nodded and seated some meters away from her mat. But I could not stop myself from ogling her. Big eyes, perfect lips, slender body and magnificent smile. Earnestly I, in no time, made her the mother of my children in no time in my imagination. But damn it! Why the hell did the reality seem as stressful as the typical Nepali movie?

I wanted to make the first move. But I didn’t want to have a go with a full-steam ahead. So I checked my breath. I was not convinced. I checked again. Not bad but not great though. I cursed myself for not brushing my teeth in a good manner earlier this morning. If only I didn’t expend my time on that stupid facebook status, I would have had a great breath here and a confidence to win her heart within a flick of hand. Why did Mark Zuckerberg create that stupid facebook? I waste my precious time there just to update the stupid imaginary romantic statuses with a motive to attract the girls of my age and get more ‘likes’ and ‘comments’. 

‘And here is the wonderful girl I’ve ever seen and I don’t smell good. Great!’ I thought to myself, disappointed.  

I was muddled. Should I initiate the conversation? Should I not? The only thing I was sure of was my condition. I was clean bowled by her charm.

‘Are you new to this town? I have never seen you before.’ I asked as if I knew every girl of the town. Nevertheless, I managed to start the conversation and I was proud of my guts.

She didn’t reply that soon. And she didn’t throw a look towards me either. My heart started to pound. I thought I was too hasty or I reckoned that was not the best way to start the conversation. Her facial expression was not great either. But she remained quiet. Was that the lull before the storm? I feared.

Broking the silence, she managed to speak, ’yah! I am.’ She replied with a faint smile making me feel better.

‘I bet you have not visited this town then.’ I started to get better. ‘You know I’m free whole day’

She gave me a surprised look but she could not avert herself from stretching the corner of her lips. I felt heaven guessing what would come after. So I continued, ‘well then, we’ll meet outside the park at?’ I paused to make her say the time.

She remained soundless giving me a mini-heart attack. I waited for her reply eyeing every move of her. Her lump of hair slid down the head and tickled her front part of the neck. Subsequently, she moved it back hooking it behind the ears. She turned to me. Finally, I was relieved.

‘I hardly know you and this place. What makes you think I’ll happily go out with you for a lunch?’ She queried.

‘Oh! So you want to have lunch with me? Okay, that’s cool with me’, I smiled and waited the reaction.

‘Excuse me! When did I mention that?’ She quick fired.

‘Just now,’ I sounded cheeky. ‘I told you that I was free all day. I never told you the lunch stuff.’ (Well who would have missed this chance of showing how clever you are? Certainly not me)

She chuckled making me more lured to her.

‘Is that a yes?’ I raised my eyebrow.

‘Not that easy’, she managed to give another stroke to my heart.

‘Then?’

‘First I should know my guide’s name,’ she winked at me. And that came straight as a bullet and pierced my heart.

‘How much will be the wage of the guide?’ I grinned. ‘Akash is an expensive guide, you know.’ I indirectly introduced myself. After the brief introduction of both of us, we departed with a vow to meet later at the day.

Arati and I agreed to meet outside the same park at 2 PM. And I was already at the place before half an hour. To my amazement, the same polluted Kathmandu seemed much beautiful than before. Well that proves ‘beauty is feeling good.’

After departing with Arati earlier on, I took half an hour longer than usual to bath; I brushed twice, and smiled thousand times by looking at the mirror. (One charming girl can rock you, there is no doubt). I had my breakfast real slow but still the clock seemed stuck. ‘Why does the time move slow when you are going to meet a gorgeous girl?’ I thought and logged onto the facebook. Unlike other days, I ignored all the notifications and straightly went on to update the status.

‘I am impatient. Wanna live that moment real soon’, I posted. Within a moment, my best friend left a comment ‘Good Luck Pal’ as if he knew what I was craving for. I neglected his comment and signed off. After checking thrice in the mirror, I set the foot out of the home and I reached the Park half an hour earlier.

The first time I saw Arati, I thought that there was not a dog’s chance to go out with her. But how wrong was I. I actually was waiting for her to lunch together. Though I knew I had to wait her till the cows come home, I was ecstatic to experience the sweet pain of waiting someone very special. I was little nervous so I thought of chilling out by thinking her smile. I closed my eyes.

——————————————————————————

‘Hello Akash!’, A very sweet voice called my name. I turned around and my jaw became wide open. Arati looked super gorgeous in one shoulder light yellow dress. She wore attractive earpieces which kissed her neck. She had let her hair loose, absolutely untied unlike morning, letting them embrace her from back. And most importantly, she wore a smile. The smile so natural that outcasted all the make-ups. She looked pretty.

‘Am I late?’ She asked raising her eyebrows.

‘Better late than never’, I grinned. ‘You look lovely, by the way.’

‘By the way, huh?’ She intentionally contracted her face.

‘Uh-huh’, I replied in short, stopping myself very hard as I wanted to tell her how beautiful she looked. I just wanted to see her reaction.

‘You lie too bad’, she pinched me in my arm.

I beamed. I felt the sweet pain as that was the first contact that she made with my body. Well, not the exact kind of contact I’d yearned for but that was not too bad to start with. I’d love hundred pinches than no contact at all.

‘So where is my guide taking me today?’ she showed some concerns.

‘Any special place you want to visit, madam?’ I tried to impress her.

‘I’d like to eat first. I am really hungry’ came the reply.

‘Is there any Chinese restaurant around? I love Chinese,’ she revealed her taste.

‘Chinese?’ I thought to myself. ‘Chinese cuisine in Nepal costs an arm and a leg. Plus, it is not exactly a date to pay all by myself. I even don’t know if she is single or not. I would pay the bill happily but I’ll surely regret it later if she turns out to be in a relationship. That would be a formal robbing by her. What about a GTPS (Going together Paying Separate)? Well that won’t impress her either. Ah! What a situation, trapped either ways.’ I thought.

Okay I admit I asked her out; so literally, I got to pay the bill. But come on……

‘Any problem?’ She broke the silence forcing me to shut my imaginations.

‘No, let’s go. I will take you to the good place.’

I took her to the best Chinese Restaurant in the town. But to my amazement, the same Kathmandu seemed the best place on the earth when she was with me. The two well-dressed Chinese girls on the either side of the door bowed their heads joining their hands just to welcome us. There was no point on focusing their position as they were fully dressed from neck to the ankle. But I joined my hands and replied to their gestures. Arati smiled and I was wowed.

We selected the place with a road-view near the window. The window had no gorgeous scenes to offer than an irritating view of the packed road of Kathmandu. As we perched there, a Chinese guy with less hair in his face than a bald man’s head appeared with a menu and grinned two meters away from us. To be honest, he was hardly 25 and looked more handsome than me too (I got to admit it, unwantedly.) But who cared? I was the one with the stunning girl, not him.

‘You order’, I pushed the menu towards Arati. ‘I am not usual to these Chinese items.’

Perhaps she was stunned by my statement but she nodded and glanced the items listed in the menu. The Chinese waiter seemed ready to jot down the items. He waited with his pen’s cap open.

‘Two Orange juices. Fresh ones. Two Apple Dumplings with vanilla ice-cream and two Chinese noodles.’ She gave the order and that Chinese guy finally gave some privacy to us.

‘Dumpling?’ I asked back.

‘I bet you know dumpling. You have tasted it before. They are called Mo:Mo: here.’ She clarified.


‘Oh momo? I love it.’ I said to comfy her.

‘But you see, Apple Dumpling is special and can be eaten with ice-cream. I so much adore it.’ She licked her lips in imagination of ice-cream as she told about the apple dumpling. I got to admit that she looked sexy when she did that.

‘But God! Why do these girls adore chocolates and ice-creams so much? Sometimes I wonder if humans could marry ‘things’, most of the girls would probably marry chocolates or ice-creams. Nevertheless, that also reveals the weak part of the girls. Whenever we (boys) have to make them happy, we, without a second thought, can buy them a packet of chocolates or liters of ice-cream. That’s one of the easiest ways to get pinched in the cheeks or hugged tight.’ I said to myself.

‘Hmm, I think I should just observe you and even offer my apple dumpling to you because girls look prettier when they eat ice-cream.’ I flirted.

She giggled and bit her lips. I bet she looked the best at that very moment.

By then we were already having the cool sips of orange juice that the waiter brought when we were on the middle of the conversation. I, time and again, glanced at her and wished that she was single. She, in the meanwhile, played with her hair rubbernecking at the ugly streets. I noticed there was no ring on her fingers and I punched the air in delight on my imagination.

‘Here’s your Apple Dumpling with Vanilla ice-cream’, the young Chinese grinned.

‘Thank You’, she said smiling at him. (I could die infinite times just for the sake of that smile)

An apple dumpling was nothing but a pastry filled with apple, cinnamon and raisins mostly eaten with ice cream or in milk. Apples were peeled and cored, placed on a portion of dough, then filled with cinnamon and sugar. Then the dough was folded over the apples and the dumplings were baked until tender.

She was already in her favorite dumpling. She seemed to be enjoying that like she had missed it for ages. So I too took the spoon and had a go at it.

‘Akash?’ she called my name real sweet. (I realized how sweet your name sounds when the lovely girl calls you with all her tenderness) ‘Are you single?’

I nearly dropped my plate in quite amazement. I was surprised and stared at her with big eyes. The thing I couldn’t ask her was asked by her with ease. ‘Is this girl forward? Or is there any hidden power in that apple dumpling?’ I wondered. Heavens! I should have bitten the very dumpling first; I thought and remained quiet not blinking my eyes.

——————————————————————————–

‘Akash? Akash? Where is your mind?’ She poked me. ‘Did you have to wait long?’ I am sorry, I am a bit late.’ She said to me.

‘What?’ I was startled. I was in front of the gate of that very Park where we met earlier. And all I did was dream of her. I glanced at my digital watch, 14:10 was the time and literally she was late to arrive. Mathematically, she was10 minutes late and my dream lasted for 40 minutes. I felt shy when I supposed what people have thought about me? ‘A new gate keeper of the park in good dress?’ I cursed myself for being a dreamer.

‘No. Not at all. Just in time’, I made her feel cozy and forced a smile though I was fucked up inside.

‘So sweet’, she smirked in the same typical girly way which I adored. This proved I was head over heels in love with her.

‘Let’s go then’ she pulled me and I followed her as if I were the new face of the town and she was my guide.


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The World So Vain

Why does this heart beat?
Why do the trusted ones cheat?

Even though you know,
you are going to be betrayed..
Even though you know,
your trust is going to be slayed,
you keep on caring and loving them
BUT your love is never understood
Alas! What a shame!!
Despite that,
you keep supporting  at their need
to grow their happiness, u sow the seed
but when the time turns so benign  
and you are almost ready to sing,
they stab you ruthlessly at your back
making you ponder what your love did ever lack?

You are now all alone
they don’t give a damn to you
But still,
your heart beats for them
Oh! What a shame!!
 

 
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पागल बस्ती

धकेलिएँ
त्यो बस्तीबाट 
जहाँ
सज्जनहरुको बास
लखेटीएं
त्यस नगरबाट 
जहाँ
पाइला पाइलामा  त्रास
फालिएँ
ती तथाकथित् सज्जनहरुबाट
त्यसैले,
उनीहरु माझ अट्टहाँस
सुन,
यहाँ अन्धकार अवश्य ,
तर पूर्णता , शान्ति
हे सज्जनहरु,
तिमीहरुलाई विश्वास नलाग्दो हो,
तर
यहि निश्पट्टतामा  चन्द्रमा हाँसेकी छिन
ताराहरु सलबलाएका छन्,
जुनकिरिहरु पिलिक पिलिक बत्ति बाल्दै
हर बखत नाचेका छन् |
ठिकै भयो
तिमीहरुले मलाई त्यो बथानबाट अलग्याएको,
नत्र  त्यहीं  हुन्थे
जहाँ,
सुन्दर चन्द्रमामा दाग मात्र देखिन्थ्यो,
उज्यालोलाई प्रश्न गरिन्थ्यो,
उदास फूल फुल्थ्यो
पवित्र गंगाको चरित्र हत्या गरिन्थ्यो,
मयूर पंख फैलाएर नाच्न सक्दैनथ्यो,
डर, त्रास, लोभ, मोह, हत्या आदि को जरो गाडिएको थियो |
हे बुद्धि भ्रस्ट भएका सज्जन हो
त्यहाँ सब थोक थियो,
पनि सून्य थियो..
यहाँ केहि छैन,
पनि पूर्णता
यहाँ,
पर क्षितिजमा भाष्कर कहिल्यै उदाउंदैन
उदाउँछ बस आफ्नो मन भरि
कहिल्यै नअस्ताउने  गरी
यहाँ,
फूलहरुको हाँसो कहिल्यै देखिदैन,
तर बास्ना चल्छ हरहरी 
निरन्तर चल्ने हावा सरी 
यहाँ,
मयूर नाचेको देखिंदैन 
तर उसको नाचको छनक तरङ्ग भरि
मनै लोभ्याउने गरी
हे बुद्धि नभएका सज्जन  हो,
तिमीहरुले घोक्राईदिंदा यहाँ आएँ 
जूनतारा उपहार पाएँ
त्यहाँ गगन पनि बादलले ढाकिन्थ्यो 
आफुआफुमा फगत रिषराग साटिन्थ्यो
लौ हेर,
तिमीहरुले बहिस्कार गरिदिंदा आज,
त्यो स्वार्थी बस्ती भुली यो परिवेशमा रमाएँ
तर,
धन्य तिमीहरु,
मलाई तिमीहरुले अझ देखी सकेनौ
मैलेपागलउपनाम कमाएँ
त्यैपनि,
आज आफैंमा सन्तुष्ट  छु
पागल कहलाइएकोमा रुष्ट छु
त्यसैले भन्छु घरीघरी,
हे सज्जनहरु,
धन्य मलाई धकेल्यौ 
त्यो बस्तीबाट
जहाँ
तिमीहरुको बास ,
धन्य मलाई लखेटेउ
त्यस नगरबाट 
जहाँ,
पाइला पाइलामा  त्रास
धन्य मलाई छोडिदियौ,
यस्तो सहरमा,
जहाँ,
सून्यता आफैंमा खास
अन्धकारमै उज्यालोको आभास |
  
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त्यो निश्वार्थ प्रेम

ठुलो  गर्जन  सहित  जब आकाश  बोल्छ 
लोलाएको   त्यो  धर्तीको   आँखा  खुल्छ 
काकाकुल  झैं प्याक्क भएको  त्यो  मुखमा 
बिस्तारै  मिठो  मुस्कान  डुल्छ….  
बर्षाको  पर्खाइमा  मुर्छित  उनको,  
छिया  छिया  परेको  शरीर  .. 
सुकेका  ती  छालामा, निला  ती  ओठमा 
आशाका सुन्दर  फूल  फुल्छ
निकै कष्ट भएर पनि,
धर्ती  बाचेंकी  छिन्    हाम्रा  लागी 
यस्तो   कठिन  समयमा  कहिँ  नभागी.. 
छातीको  दुध  होइन  यिनले  रगत  चुसाएकी  छिन् 
आफु  पल  पल  मरेर  हामीलाई  बचाएकी  छिन्
त्यो  त्याग  त्यो  बलिदान  केही  नबुझी  हामी
एकअर्कासंग  लड्छौं  घरीघरी 
उनको पिंडा बढाउँदै उनकै काखमा कुल्ची
रगत  चुस्न  तम्सन्छौँ  पेट  भरीभरी
यसरी  आफ्नो  स्वार्थ  पूरा  भए  पछी  पनि 
एक  वचन  सोध्दैनौं  हामी ,
आमा ! तिमीलाई  के  चाहिन्छ  भनि
युगौं  युग  सम्म  यसरी  रगत  चुसाउंदा 
कसैले  नदेख्ने  गरी  आँसु  बर्षाउंदा  
यिनी  सुकेकी  छिन्,
भित्रभित्रै  मरेकी  छिन्,
त्यसैले    आज  मेघ  गर्जदा 
यिनको  ओठमा  मुस्कान   
नयनमा  आशा  पलाएको   
आशा;
आफु  बच्ने  होइन ,
हामीलाई  बचाउने  आशा 
आशा;
आफु  पिउने  होइन 
अरुलाई  पियाउने  आशा ,
हामीलाई  जियाउने  आशा… 
तर  दुर्भाग्य,
जब  प्रतिक्षाको  सकिनै  लागेको थियो पल 
ठुलो  बतास  आई  उडाई  लागेछ  बादल 
उनका  ओठका   मुस्कान  ओइलाई गएछ कठै!! 
अनुहारको  त्यो ज्योति  गुमेछ  कति  छिट्टै  
पानी पिउन  भनी  खुलेको  त्यो  ओठ  ट्याप्प  भएछ 
तपक्क  आँशु  झारिन्  उनले, उनलाई  असैह्यः  भएछ..
लोलायका  ती  नयन  बिस्तारै  बन्द  हुन्छ  
मुर्छित हुदैँ  सोच्छिन्  उनी,”अब  मेरा  सन्तानलाई  के हुन्छ?”
अब  मेरा सन्तानहरुलाई के हुन्छ?”
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….AND THE WORLD WILL SMILE TO YOU


Free your mind, relax your soul
Relish the present, forget the bygone
Open up; identify the colors in the space
Be hopeful and Make the most out of your existence
Let the sun shine on you; take a bath in light
Feel the energy; kick the impossibilities out of sight
Chase a butterfly and listen to the birds chirping,
How wonderful is their tone and the singing.
Let yourself loose with the flowing rill
Touch the serenity of a sea; tell me how do you feel?
Watch the flowers blossom and lose yourself on the fragrance
Set your foot out, embrace the rain and dance
Let the wind tickle you and provide you the bliss
Notice the glow on your beloveds’ face when you give them a kiss
Don’t curse the dark, it bestows you the moon and the star
Light the candles instead, push your terrors far
Enjoy the life as if there is no tomorrow
Be positive and you will discover no sorrow
Unearth the splendors, they are all around you
You smile to the world and the world will smile to you


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A WORLD BEYOND THE SANITY

Robert is out of his adolescence.  He turned twenty some days back. He is tall, lean and not that handsome. And unlike his friends he believes in prefect (true) love.  He is against the notion to spend the time with every possible girl and make an affair. In other words, he considers that love happens once and lasts till the eternity. And he believes he has found his true love in Patricia.
It’s been two months since Robert had first seen her. And that first glimpse was ample for him to fall over her. She appealed him extra-ordinarily. She had long curly blonde hair. When she smiled, her face brightened up as a lovely sunny day with a dimple on her face. She was tall and had great figure. She was exactly the same type that Robert used to dream. No wonder that Robert was lured by the beauty of his dream girl.
Robert is a loner. Due to his leanness, low self-confidence and the fact that he has different perception about life, he is constantly bullied by other friends around. And he prefers to be alone. He has few friends and he doesn’t usually mark his presence at the social gatherings. Moreover, this lonesomeness has increased more since the day he met Patricia.

He loves sketching and writing. So he often throws himself to the lonely place where he can completely get lost in his sketching and the nature. He has a journal which he carries everywhere. He keeps himself busy in them and just neglects the world around him.

One windy evening, he buckled up and drove to the near hillock. Content with the environment, he went past the woods. As he laid down on one of the rocks, his eyes set the sights at the distant scenes. To his amazement, unlike other days, he caught a glimpse of a striking lady just some yards ahead of him. That was Patricia and that’s how he met her for the first time.
“Hello. I’m Patricia.” She tried to comfort the confused looking Robert who was still gazing her.  It was evident that he was flabbergasted.
Robert did not even blink his eyes. For the first time, he wanted to talk to a stranger; that stranger who resembled to his dream girl. And he could not believe that she was with the first stride of introduction.
She was still waiting to Robert’s response with a smirk on her face which Robert thought was truly angelic.
“Hi, I-I am R-Robert,” he managed to reply in a shaky voice. That was the initiation of their secret relationship. Robert and Patricia, from then on, started to meet regularly at the same venue. They began to share everything and in no time, fell for each other. Robert was exultant that in spite of his weak physique and average look, she was in love with him.
Days passed on with Robert meeting her secretly. Robert started to pass most of the time in that very place with Patricia or sketching things in his room which made a further declination to involving in the family activities.  There were days when he lingered quiet for hours in his room and sometimes he was caught with strange behaviors which made no sense. On the other hand, Robert was ecstatic to get Patricia as his love. Thus, he was having the time of his life.
One fine day, Robert’s dad, worried by his son’s behavior, thought to have some chat with him in the lunch time. He asked if he was in bedlam or anything was troubling him. He urged Robert to share his feelings and to reveal why he was no more social. But Robert acted insanely; he just did not listen to his dad. He skipped from one topic to another. He did not want to talk about nothing. He acted in a strange manner and started to yell at his dad with some disorganized speech. He, then, ran away towards the woods leaving his dad muddled.
Vexed by his son’s behavior, he decided to check out Robert’s room. The moment he opened the room, he was dazzled. All the things were in disarray.  He then found the sketches of his son which made no sense. They were all pathetically penciled. Mortified with that, he opened the notebook of Robert. There, too, he found jumbled letters which were all over the place and made no logic. But somewhere in the middle, he found a sheet where he had described about Patricia and himself. But Robert’s dad was too worried to withstand all those mess and immediately called a psychiatrist.
The doctor marked his presence in no time and he examined all the things in Robert’s room. Robert’s dad managed to pour all the information about Robert to the doctor. He listened serenely how things turned worse past two months. The Psychiatrist demanded to examine his son without letting Robert know about that.
According to the plan, the psychiatrist observed Robert’s actions for quite a time. He then came to know how he behaves with his family, what he does and how he does it. But he was amazed to see him drive through the wood every single day.

So, one day, he followed Robert to the forest. And what he saw was an utter dismay. He watched Robert talking for hours, alone. There was not a single being but it seemed like he was talking to someone. Doctor understood the whole thing. He recalled how Robert had mentioned about Patricia and talking to her for hours in the wood. He, now, comprehended that he was talking to none other than Patricia.
He then drove back to Robert’s home where his dad was waiting impatiently.  Doctor approached him and said,” Patricia, the girl, who your son loves, is not real. She is just an imagination of Robert which he takes as real. He is suffering from Schizophreniform Disorder.”
Robert’s dad was left stunned.
(Note: Schizophreniform disorder is a short-term type of schizophrenia, a serious mental disorder that distorts the way a person thinks, acts, expresses emotions, perceives reality, and relates to others. Like schizophrenia, schizophreniform disorder is a type of mental illness, called a “psychosis,” in which a person cannot tell what is real from what is imagined. Although schizophrenia is a life-long illness, schizophreniform disorder lasts less than six months.)
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NO PRICE FOR GRANDEUR

There was nothing unusual in her birth
She was born in the same way like everybody on earth
Unfortunately, she got birth as a daughter of poor
She was left illiterate, unskilled and that was sore
She couldn’t do anything when there was nothing to eat
Hunger thrashed her into pieces; she could feel that heat
But still she would’ve denied selling her precious body
If only she was the only offspring and there was nobody
What a pity! She was the eldest spawn of her begetter
And there were other two siblings she should look after
It was a curse that her mother died when they were so young
And because of that they had a tiny wisdom of ‘right and wrong’
The only elder she had was her father who was ignorant
He often gambled and he didn’t care of his children
In such a case she had no option but to be happily raped
For she brought smile on her sisters’ face with the money she did get
Burning her own desire she fulfilled the desires of other men
She sacrificed her life for her sisters, well embracing the pain
In spite of being that great, the society was constantly rude
The so called ‘rich ones’ detested and called her ‘a bloody prostitute’
She was not defeated at all; she was still strong to stand alone
For she had to earn to not see her siblings’ wishes being blown
The only joy she had was at least her sisters would live a respected life unlike her
But one fine day she was shattered to see a client in a brothel with her sister
This time her world crashed down utterly and she lived in agony ever after..ever after
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DANCE IN THE RAIN

Vexed by the world around me
Doomed in the hustle and bustle
Embarrassed with the loneliness
Saddened with the shrewdness of people
Upset with the surrounding; I cry
Stuck in the chaos all around
Fed up with the life I am living
Abandoned in the world of agony
Desperate to gain some sympathy
Searching the peace and love, I flee
I elope to avoid the hurdles
I leave behind the ruthless place
I lurch to the cliff of a hill
Peace is what I want to feel
From the top, I see beauty far below
Craving to embrace the charm,
I want to jump very low
In the meanwhile, the wind blew
Caressing me from head to the toe
I felt heaven for the touch was tender
Ages after, I was moved with the splendor
The wind drove away the cloud,
Both from the sky and my mind
Now the sun shone best on me
Refreshing the thoughts, my realm became sunny
I forgot the pain buried within me
The world smiled spreading the glee
I saw charm all over the territory
I watched butterflies swaying merrily,
The feeling rose, as if I were a flower
I felt special, I got power.
Amazing power bred within me
All fears gone, all melancholy omitted
There was a relief, I felt light-hearted
No feelings of lonesomeness
Most of all, I had a smile in my face
Now I don’t want to die, I want to live again
I want to throw away the pain and dance in the rain….
Dance in the rain………….
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John and his dear Granny

“Granny, look what my friend brought; a brand new PSP,” Little John rushed towards his grandmother’s bed with a big smile in his face. He was very joyful that he finally got the merchandise that he desired for. With the pocket sized silver coloured gadget, he went much closer to his Granny. But there was no reaction from her.
“Granny!!”, he shouted with fear.
With great difficulty she opened her eyes and gazed.
Her eyes were watery and they seemed tired as if she has worked all night long. Her hair was messed up and lips were dry. The wrinkles on her face were more evident and the face was swollen. She looked bluish.
The merriment John had in his eyes just vanished within a second for he had never seen his granny look more pathetic than that. He was frightened. He continued staring.
‘My dear Johnny’, she called him with sheer love. She knew that he was frightened of her condition. ‘Come sit with me.’
With trembling feet he walked closer  and sat beside her. She held his hands and asked, ’Finally you got your PSP, huh?’ She tried to distract him.
‘What happened to you Granny?’ he asked with a shaky voice instead of answering her.
‘What happened to me? I am just fine.’ She forced a smile.
Johnny did not believe her because he knew if she were fine, she would not have been lying in the bed with the terrible face, sick voice and weak eyes. His face grew pale and he could not speak a word.
“John!” his mother exclaimed, “Don’t you have to prepare for your exam? Go to your room and prepare for it. Granny is just a little sick. Let her rest.”
John was in 10th Grade and his finals were imminent. He was a hard-working guy and was one of the good students of his class. Apart from that, he had a lovely sense of humour and he was tremendously friendly. Because of that he was admired by all.
He went to his room with a very heavy heart. He loved his grandma and he could not see her that way. He opened his books but the concentration was never there. He kept on staring the books with granny in his mind.
“This way… this way”, he heard his father’s voice. He closed his books and rushed towards the granny’s room. He saw a man with long grey hair, ugly looking beard and small eyes. John didn’t like him as he looked more horrible when he smiled; he had a broken tooth upfront and a big scar on his forehead which was more like a wound created by a knife.
In no time, that ugly man and Johnny’s father lifted his Granny and put her in an ambulance. John was now clear that the ugly fellow was the driver of that ambulance. He kept staring to the ambulance while it raced towards the hospital. Nobody even told him to wipe his tears off. Those drops of tears kept on rolling down the cheek.
He went to his Granny’s bed. She was gone. He did not even know if she would be back. Beside the bed, a fresh Daisy was cheery on the table as usual. But it could not fascinate him this time. He turned towards his room ignoring its lovely scent. On the way back to his room, fishes in the aquarium danced as if they were having a great festival. With a miserable heart, he looked at them. But they were not blue like him and why would they be? Their Granny was not sick.
Days passed and his exams were going fine.  He had worked his sweat off to secure the good grades. The only pain he had in his heart was his granny was not back from the hospital and he, too, could not go visit her as he was having exam. But he was always curious about her health and asked if she was fine to his papa and mama. And they used to convey him the positive news. He used to throw a relaxed grin.
One day when he was back from his school, his mother told him to get dressed up to see her Granny. He was happy as well as sad at the same time. He was frightened if she was in serious condition. But her mother said that Granny wanted to see him because she missed him. He managed to reveal a confused smirk.
On the way to the hospital, his mind was full of random thoughts. He didn’t speak a word. No awkward looking traffic men, no funny billboard, and other stupid acts on the street made him laugh. He had just that swollen face of her Granny on his mind.
“Johnny my son”, his mother broke the silence “Granny is alright.” He kept on staring the distant object.
After a little while they were both in front of a gigantic hospital. With an increased heart rate, shaky hands and feet and confused mind state, John entered the hospital. Fair looking mother’s face gave him a boost and convinced him that granny was okay but deep down he was afraid. The smell of the hospital was always a nuisance for him. This time, too, it was no different and he had to face it. He followed his mom with a pounding heart and the cries of other patients’ in pain did nothing to help him. Finally, they both were in front of the big room.
“Room no. 414, 4th floor. Silence please.” He grasped this information with a single glance at the door and marched on. He noticed huge machines to his right and one of those showed the heart beat details of his Granny. Next to those machines was her sweet Granny, lying on the bed.
Her wrist was connected to the bottle, via pipe, which was hung just above her head. The bottle contained the water like liquid. He didn’t know what that was.
He stared his granny’s face. The face was much brighter than the last time he observed. It was no more swollen but the wrinkles were hanging loose. She seemed thinner yet beautiful than before. Her eyes were watery but not numb; they were more conversing this term. She looked livelier than before.
“Look, who is here,” she said with ecstasy, “my little prince.”
He got closer with a light heart as her voice seemed as dulcet as those merry days. She kissed his forehead and held his hand.
‘How are you, Granny?’ he asked with a smile in his face.
‘Much better now, sweetie’, she grinned.
‘Yeah, I can see that.’ He joked. ‘ You look as beautiful as a 18 year old girl.’
‘Naughty.’ She chuckled.
They conversed for some time as if they were having a party-time. That eased John’s pain of the heart as he was convinced that his Granny was getting better. In addition to that, his father also told him that the doctor’s words were positive about his granny’s health. He was happy to know that.
‘Why didn’t you come to see me these many days, huh?’ Granny pretended as if she were angry.
‘I wanted you to miss me,’ he revealed his sense of humour. He watched his Granny laughing louder. He felt greatest bliss and had teary eyes. He wiped them off with real pace to avoid her Granny’s sight at them.
‘So will you come to visit me more often from now onwards?’ she raised her eyebrows.
He wanted to say yes. Moreover, he wanted to stay there with her. But it was his exam that he should take care too. So he could not say a word for what he wanted was something he could not do.
‘He has exams, mom. And it is final. So he should be aware of that. He has to score good grade’, explained his dad. ‘So he can’t come regularly. But he will be here once in a while.’
John threw a faint smile for his father spoke the words of his mouth. Grandma kept staring at him and she too gave a sweet smile.
‘Oh yeah, I was just kidding with my prince. You need not come here often. I am getting better each day. See, I look better than before. You just keep your head cool and do your best. You need to score good marks.” Granny told John. ‘You just wait me at the home. I’ll be there soon as I’m getting better.”
 John felt awesome. He wanted her to be back as soon as possible. He came to know that she had lungs’ problem and she would be back after some days with the completion of some minor operations. Having this information, he was ready to head towards the home.
‘Granny, I will see you soon there. Take care okay?’ John said with watery eyes.
‘Aww! Don’t do that I am very fine now. It’s just about 2-3 days more and I’ll be back at the home fit and fine. You take care of your studies’, Granny told in deep voice.
She embraced him very tight and kissed him. He then headed back home and started to study with happier mind. “Just some days more and she’ll be back home”, he thought and continued to concentrate on his study.
 “Tring.. tring…” the phone sang loudly and woke him up.
“Who is calling this late?” he groaned with his eyes closed. He then turned the light on and glanced at the clock. ‘2 AM’ it showed.
The phone continued to sing in a louder voice. He quickly rushed towards the phone.
‘Ah! What a cold night?’ he murmured to himself.
He received the phone.
“Hello?”
“John?”
“Yes…”
Dad was on the phone other side. He was with Granny at the hospital. His voice was deep and depressed. John didn’t realize that as he was in half sleep.
“Call your mom, John”, he ordered.
John rushed towards his mother’s room. He didn’t know what was happening. He certainly had no clue. He forgot to ask to his father about his Granny’s health. He knocked his mother’s door.
“Mom, Dad is on the phone from the hospital,” he managed to utter only those words.
In a flash she came and received the phone.
‘What?’ she shouted in terror. ‘She is no more alive?’
All of a sudden tears started to flow from his eyes and turning to John, she said, ’Your Granny is no more son. She is gone forever.’
His feet started to tremble. He couldn’t withstand that. He landed on his knees. Tears started to rain from his eyes. He felt as if something is blocking his throat. His heart pounding and he felt an enormous pain in his chest. He could not speak a word. He thought of his Grandma. Only he knew how badly he wanted her back.
“It’s just about 2-3 days more and I’ll be back at the home fit and fine.” These words of his Grandma started to echo in his ears. The flood of the tears came down from his eyes because he knew that she would never come back. She was gone forever..
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भगवान कहाँ छन्?

पुज्नु सम्म पुजी सकें

अब मैले पनि बुझी सकें
यी फगत ढुंगा रहेछन् 
कसैले यिनलाई देवता कहेछन् 


भगवान भए पुकार सुन्थे
असहायको दुख हर्थे
ढुंगा छन् मन्दिरमा मस्त
अरु यिनकै पुजामा ब्यस्त 


देवता भए अगाडी आएर देखाइदेउ
अनि सबको दुख एकैचोटी हटाइदेउ 
तर यो मात्र एउटा ढुंगा हो
दयालु ईश्वर कसरी बन्छ यो?


देवता ढुंगामा होइन आफैंमा  खोज
खराब बाटो त्यागी असल बाटो रोज
भगवानको बास आफैं भित्र हुन्छ
ढुंगालाई पुजेर कहाँ उसले सुन्छ??



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